So I’ve disappeared from “my name dot com” for a while. Some say, I fell off a cliff in the rainforest while searching for El Chupacabra (google it).

Not so.

I’ve been in “hibernation” for a while. I put up a sign on my door that said “Gone Hibernatin,” I curled up in a few bushels of hay, blocked any light that would come through the windows, and I set my alarm to wake me up in a few months.

At least that’s what others would think.

The truth is, I’ve been continuing my plot to take over the world and I’ve averted publicity for a while. Although I’ve been inundated with press inquiries — clogging my voicemail, and countless emails to jimcamut.com (not really) — a lot of things have been going on.

Let me list some of them:

1. I am expecting to find out early next week if I will be moving to Malaysia for a really exciting career opportunity. Yeah, Malaysia… where did that come from? I’m still trying to figure it out, but I’m dead set on going if I get the job offer.
2. I’ve been carefully sculpting my body to a hyper-masculine form via Diane Horner’s epic Country Hip Hop workout video set. This special TV offer cost me a fortune, but It’s been worth every penny.
3. My book is coming back to life. I hit a road block towards the end, I outlined a second book in the meantime, then I realized the two outlines mesh together to make a better book than either of them alone. So my manuscript has a slightly different angle now. It’s still a work in progress. I’ve had little time and energy to make huge leaps and bounds, but its looking good.
4. There are some other things I can’t mention (yet), but they are equally exciting. I’m just saying this to make you say, “Damnit, just tell us!!!?”
5. This isn’t a life-changer or anything, but worth mentioning… I went hiking last week  with my sister and her boyfriend and we ran into two, hissing, rattling, rattle snakes; and a copperhead too, all within 20 minutes (in Pennsylvania!). I’ve never been so close to life-threatening animals that wouldn’t have hesitated to bite the $h*t out of us if we got any closer.
6. This one is definately a life changer… I’ve hit an all-time dorkiness low and managed to find myself in war on the fronts of the prestigious, and fear-mongeringly scholarific Wikipedia.org. I’ve been fighting with other wanna be Wikipedia experts on the notability of an article that I’m trying to get published. It appears I’m losing the battle, but take a sharp note that I haven’t lost the war. I’m battered and bruised from the onslaught of research and reference citing. My thick black (eagle-eyed) prescription glasses have been broken at the nose… But I taped them back together because I’m not done fighting. I’ve got one last guerrilla tactic the wikipedia scholars don’t see coming. This attack is going to be so vengeful that it will probably make people cry, I kid you not. Let me tell you, it will be glorious… And to add insult to injury… my mom says she’s proud of me. BAM! That’s right. I have the support of a mother figure. You didn’t see that coming either. Behind every legitimate dork is a strong mother to call the other bully’s mom and be angry when their son gets beat up.

Wow! I’ve said too much. Now you know what’s happening in my life… or at least you think your do. So chew on that for a while and let me hear your comments below if you’ve read through this entire epilogue (I don’t know what epilogue means but it sounded cool to say right there). I will come at you in your dreams and slap you with rubber chickens if you don’t comment and tell me how you’re doing. That’s a promise, not a threat.

P.S. Hopefully this is the last time I disappear for a while.